Pussycat -Love of Salem (loveofsalem) wrote,
Pussycat -Love of Salem
loveofsalem

Life

Laying in bed and got pretty emotional. I don't know why, it's really weird. I've done a lot of changes in my life lately for the better. Some assholes I thought were our friends really fucked us over about a year ago but it was the best thing that happened. Then got rid of more dead weight i our lives, got rid of that putrid apartment, went back to school, got the tattoo I have wanted for a long time, etc. I don't have time for stupid people in my life anymore. It's just kinda plain and simple like that. When I was younger, I was always friendly and couldn't have breakup when it came to friendships cuz I didn't wanna hurt peoples feelings. But when people are a negitive influence in your life, why the fuck are they there anyway? I am too old for that shit. Timmy and I are doing really well and we are no longer each others dead weight. Took a long time to say that but things are pretty damn good. Sure we do shit that annoys the crap out of one another but we no longer dread being in the same room with one another. I looked over tonight at the pic of us at Orpheus I think on our 2nd "date" and I remember back then thinking this guy just wants a piece of ass and we'll be broken up in a few months. Then I look to my left and the same man is asleep next to me. It's kinda crazy how that worked out. Out of the almost 4 years we have been married, about 3 of those years were complete hell. But thank god things have changed drastically. It's nice to have this life now. I enjoy it. Sure, I get depressed about the bullshit that happens daily like dumb shit at work, bills, bad days, etc. But while my anxiety has gotten a bit worse, I am more mellow in a lot of ways. Each day I try to be a better person in one way or another.

I just wish my past didn't haunt me so badly... like being bullied in 8th grade. I tried to kill myself in 8th grade because the asshole down the street was brutal to me. Punched me in the face on the bus. Tormented me from 7-3pm and then even after. It was horrible. The summer of 8th grade, I couldnt leave the house because I had panic attacks so bad. Then "friends" in school would be so brutal to me, popular guys would ask me out as a joke between them and their buddies to watch the dorky kid get her hopes up and then crush her, etc. I have tried to let a lot of my relationship baggage go but the things from my childhood just cannot go away. No shrink can get me to rid of that pain. I just thought about it...why am I writing this? Why does anyone need to know this shit? Why am I babbling? It helps to get it out but then again, people read this. Eh whatever.

So I guess that's all. I really have no clue why I just shared that stuff.
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