Pussycat -Love of Salem (loveofsalem) wrote,
Pussycat -Love of Salem
loveofsalem

Reality is setting in

Today I registered for my final semester before graduation. I came to the realization that I have been in college on and off for 11 years. I could be a doctor.

I went for my photo degree at HCC and left there to go to Corcoran in 2001 but after 9/11 I said hell no and came back home. Graduated from HCC in 2002. Then in 2004 I started at Towson and got married, got sick many semesters, had multiple surgeries... blah blah. But since I started back at school last fall, I have done really well to bring my GPA up and I am damn proud. It's not easy working 40 hours, taking 3 classes and coming home to a place you dreaded. Thank god things aren't that way now and we are doing really well but bad then it was awful. I have hopes that this coming fall will be much better. I'll be in 3 classes again, working close to 40 hours but at least I look forward to seeing my hubby nowadays. The only thing that sucks is, we try to watch tv together and spend time together most nights and with homework, that won't be able to happen much. I'll find a happy medium somewhere because I cannot give that up. Worked too damn hard to get to this point in school and my marriage.

I really hope that people can see us from wherever they go after they die. I promised my uncle on his deathbed that I would get my art history degree for him. I just hope he is proud of me and can see i am almost there. He was a weird man but I loved him. We were a lot alike... totally stubborn, weird... he was a trip. He loved art, traveled all his life, was a very intellegant man. I didn't have enough time with him. He wasn't fond of pain in the ass kids or teenagers. He loved me and my cousins to death when we were little but when we got annoying, he we weren't his favs lol He was a bachelor all of his life. So we were like his kids in a way. He brought me the coolest stuff from all over the world. Dolls from France, books from England, a handmade rosary from Africa for my first communion. For his retirement, he did a pilgrimage where he walked the entire way from France to Santiago Compostella (a church) in Spain. So after graduation, I am taking a trip to Santiago Compostella to see the place that was so important to him. My plan is to fly to Italy and stay with a friend, then take a train to Madrid. Travel to Santiago C and then from there, fly to Ireland for a few days. It will be a trip well deserved and very close to my heart. Where i will get the money, I have no idea. I guess I better start going to my chair dance classes more so I can start making money at it LOL!! (totally kidding folks, no one would wanna see that!!!!) They'd pay me to stop! ha

Once I hit that button to submit the final classes, I got super nervous and have had a lot of anxiety today. Is it because it is the end? I have been so used to school. And now it's nearly over. Is it because I am "growing up"? I wish I knew why I felt this way. Then I think... do I really wanna have a baby? We talk about it a lot. Do I want to give up my freedom, my sleep, my somewhat normal life? And will be stop getting along so well? I know that's a huge stress on marriages. I have wanted to be a mom all my life but the more time goes by, I just don't know. I guess everything is hitting the surface these days. Looking at life with kids, changing careers, having to get health insurance which no one will give me, buying a house some day... etc. Is all this normal? I would think so but what is normal for me?

All i know is, I feel better now that I got this off my chest.
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